hey lovelies. 

I can't find the words I want to be able to explain how I feel. Do you ever have the feeling that you're trapped. That you can't do anything because it won't make anyone happy, not even yourself? All people want is freedom.. I feel like I'm stuck pleasing everyone, and I can't do anything that makes me feel content. That's all I want- to feel content. I don't feel anything though. I don't feel sad, or mad, or happy, or joyous. Nothing. And I'm not 100% sure why. I try to explain it but it just never comes out right. It's frustrating. But.. I have one more year left in this town.... just one more year of this feeling. You can feel nothing for a year without doing damage to yourself, right? If that's selfish... then I'll be selfish. 

Any-who, this is the post. I hope you enjoy. 

I promise I'll post more, now that school's over for the year until September. 

xoxoxo

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I'm the one who's in red. These girls are so important to me. They are the solid foundation I've rebuilt my life on. I owe them so much that I'll never be able to repay. 

You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing.

My heart belongs to those who broke it, ripped it into little tiny pieces and threw it on the floor. 
My hearts been broken and I've broken a heart or two in my day, but that doesn't make loving someone any easier.
It makes it a struggle, a battle.When you finally find the right person, you won't feel that hurt in your heart anymore. 
You will not ache for something better, because you will have it. 

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. 

The one solid thing I've learned to control is music. How the keys feel when I play them, everything. I know how to harness the pure emotion of the piano, when I can't harness my own emotions. 

I'm sorry it upsets you.. but it upsets me too. 

I don't know when I lost my mind, maybe it was everytime that you said that I miss you. And I miss you. 

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Please don't act like you care. You don't, and we all know it. You've watched me destroy myself for far too long. 
If you really cared, you'd have tried to stop me long before now.